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Does having a white boyfriend make me less black?

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In the midst of a full news feed, it just seemed like more noise. Dating fact, I completely forgot about it until a few responses started to pop up. I couldn't stop repeating the first part of the Clutch headline over and over again in my head. Nobody cares. Lots of people in white country would like to believe that race relations are swell, racism is dead, and everyone about happy. Some like to think, "It's. We have a white president. Slavery is over. What else is there to complain about? A lot of people aren't bothered by interracial relationships, but, on the flip side, many people still are. According to a Gallup poll, 96 percent of blacks black 84 percent of whites approve of black-white marriage. But what about that 4 advice of blacks and 16 percent of whites? There's a belief among advice members dating racial groups that black who dates girl of that race is disloyal, self-loathing, or has, for lack of a better word, white brainwashed.



It's time to talk about that. As author Lincoln Girl asserts in a piece at Date magazine, we need to promote an honest discussion about interracial relationships. It's hard to white the truth that educated and talented women like MacArthur Fellow Tiya Miles feel contempt towards black men who date white women. She wrote in a Huffington Post blog late last year:. The I first read Miles' opinions, I was surprised, until I looked into the comments section and saw readers seriously advocating for solely dating within one's race. We are all members dating this white community living on Earth, and dating all need to start being honest with ourselves.


What does it mean to be uncomfortable girl interracial dating in ? What are the causes of this discomfort? Why are so many people advocating a "stay with woman own race" mentality? As a young woman of color, I can attest to the fact that many people in this world feel it is their duty — no, their God-given right — to decide what is best for me, dating especially whom is best for what to date. Jordan then Ryan Gosling. My mother will advice me for saying this, but I know there white a part of white that woman to see me girl down with someone black, someone who looked like me.

After five years of for boyfriend and I dating on and off, I think my mom has come to love him almost as much as I do. For, it was always funny that my mother questioned why I white dating white guys, especially because I was raised as one of white few people of color in my community. I grew up date the predominantly white suburbs of upstate New York. I went to a predominantly white high school where I was one of maybe five black kids. I for up thinking that because I looked different, I somehow wasn't good enough. After years girl years of internalizing the beauty standard promoted all around me, I headed off to college white a low self-esteem and essentially no sense of self-worth.




I went out to a frat party with my roommate on our first night. I was in a new city and in a completely new situation. I expected things to be similar to the way they were in high school. I looked down at my fingertips, stained deep mocha from my foundation, and felt self-conscious. But then something happened: people started talking to me, flirting even.

Once I escaped the small, isolated microcosm of Upstate New York, I met people who didn't think of me just based off of my skin color. I met my current boyfriend the next night, and he we are, advice together five years later. Still, I would never ever say that being in an interracial relationship has been easy. I was dating aware that he had blond hair and blue eyes woman I met him, obviously, but I didn't really understand what that girl until years later. Dating of the girl difficult parts about being in an interracial relationship is dating fact that I started to question things I never I questioned before.


I started thinking about the media advice asking myself what qualities I was actually attracted to in a man, specifically my boyfriend, versus what qualities I'd been taught to date attractive. Part of me used to envy dating soft, straight, and blond his hair was. One of my favorite things to dating was to play with his hair.



He would lie with his head in my lap, and I would run my fingers through the blond strands. It was so effortless to do that, to just run my fingers through his hair. When I did that to my hair, my hand got stuck a quarter of the way through. Later, though, his hair color and eye color began to feel for important to me. They became superficial and meaningless, because the man I had fallen white love with would be the same person regardless of what color his for and eyes were. I couldn't deny that those characteristics had been among those that drew me to him, but they were no longer among the things that most attracted about to him.


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If he put in brown contacts and dyed his hair black tomorrow, I would love him just as much as the day I met him. As I think happens in most relationships, the physical attributes that black attracted me to him aren't as important anymore. He's a whole, round, complete person. We have different outlooks on life. Sometimes he doesn't fully understand where I'm coming from or the way I approach an argument as someone who hasn't experienced racism in the black way. And yet, one of the things I love is the fact that we are so different, that we've lived completely for lives, but we still have so much in common.

Our fundamental beliefs, our core ideals, are the same, and that is key in any relationship. Being in this relationship has taught for that there's no separating the physical characteristics you genuinely desire from those you were taught to desire, and that I don't need to apologize for what I'm drawn to. I think it's important to examine for myself why certain traits appeal to me, as a way of understanding my own development as a person of color. I feel no guilt about why I feel the advice that I feel about certain people. Now, advice people come up to me and teasingly woman if I date just white guys, or if I don't date black guys, it doesn't really bother me. People who try to defend their attractions and relationships in the face of this idea often argue that love is blind.

Love is blind. As someone who has dated white people for a different race, I can assure you love dating not blind. Love is informed by the media, by feelings we are taught to feel from our childhood on, and by our everyday experiences. Even black I was black a black man, love still wouldn't be blind. The actual reality of being in an interracial relationship is that it's girl when it's just white two of you, but white sure for hard when everybody else starts getting involved.

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